7 Ways Single Moms Can Take Back Control of Their Lives (Starting Today)
If you’re anything like me, you’ve had at least one moment where you thought:
“I can’t keep doing this.”
The constant juggling.
The bills.
The emotional load.
The pressure of being the one everyone relies on, while having no one to fall back on yourself.
When you’re a single mom, it doesn’t always feel like you have options. You have a job, you have bills, you have kids who need you, and most days it feels like you’re just reacting to whatever crisis comes next.
But here’s the truth I’m slowly learning and living:
You can’t control everything, but you can take back control of more than you think.
And you don’t have to overhaul your entire life overnight to do it. You can start with small, intentional shifts that compound over time.
Here are seven real, doable ways to begin taking your life back—starting today.
1. Get Completely Honest About Your Numbers
A lot of us are walking around with a vague sense of financial dread.
We kind of know what’s in our bank account.
We definitely know when the credit card due dates are.
We avoid logging into certain accounts because we “already know it’s bad.”
Ask me how I know.
One of the biggest turning points for me was sitting down and looking at everything; my income, my fixed expenses, my line of credit, my debt, my spending habits. It wasn’t pretty. It was uncomfortable. But it was real.
You cannot take back control of your life if you’re guessing your way through your finances.
Action step for today:
Log into every single account (chequing, savings, credit cards, line of credit, loans).
Write down the balances—no judgment, just data.
Add up: total income, total fixed expenses, total minimum payments, total debt.
You’re not doing this to shame yourself. You’re doing it to see clearly.
Clarity is power.
You can’t change what you refuse to look at.
2. Stop Carrying the Whole Problem in Your Head
If you’re a single mom, there’s a good chance you’re mentally carrying a ridiculous amount of shit at any given time.
Schedules.
Emotions.
Meal plans.
School stuff.
Work deadlines.
Money stress.
We try to “keep track in our head,” and then wonder why our brains never seem to shut the hell up.
One of the simplest ways to feel more in control is to get it out of your head and into a system, even if that “system” is a notebook or a note on your phone.
Action step for today:
Create three lists:
Money to deal with (bills, debts, renewals, upcoming expenses)
Life admin (appointments, forms, renewals, house things)
Emotional load (things you’re worrying about, decisions weighing on you)
You don’t have to fix all of it today.
But when your brain sees it on paper, it stops screaming at you quite so loudly.
This is how control begins—not by doing everything, but by finally seeing everything.
3. Build a Tiny Non-Negotiable “You” Routine
When you’re in survival mode, self-care sounds like a joke. You don’t need a bubble bath. You need your LOC balance to stop climbing and five minutes to breathe.
But here’s the hard truth: if you never put yourself in the equation, you burn out, and burned-out moms don’t feel in control of anything.
You don’t need a two-hour morning routine. You need something small, simple, and non-negotiable that reminds you:
“I exist outside of my to-do list.”
Action step for today:
Choose ONE tiny practice you can do daily in 5–10 minutes:
journaling one page
a 10-minute walk
a short meditation
reading a few pages of a book
a hot shower where you’re not scrolling your phone
It doesn’t need to be fancy.
It just needs to be consistent.
Control isn’t just about money and time. It’s also about having a few minutes where you’re not responding to everyone else’s needs. I find that I’m much better at dealing with my life when I’ve made even a little room for myself in it.
4. Make One Ruthless Money Decision (That Future You Will Thank You For)
You can’t “budget your way” out of every financial problem. Sometimes the math simply doesn’t work and more income is the only meaningful answer. But there if there is an area you can tighten without making an already hard life miserable, finding it gives you somewhere to start.
It might be:
a subscription you don’t really need
eating out more than you realize
random Amazon “rewards” after a long day
convenience purchases because you’re exhausted
You don’t have to become a completely different person with a colour-coded budget tomorrow. But you can make one strong decision that signals:
“I am the woman who is taking my money seriously now.”
Action step for today:
Look at the last 30 days of spending.
Circle what wasn’t necessary.
Choose ONE category to cut back on or pause for the next 30 days.
Decide where that money will go instead (extra debt payment, small savings buffer, or funding something that supports you, like therapy or a babysitter once a month).
This isn’t about punishing yourself. It’s about redirecting your power.
5. Start Building a “Future Money” Skill (In the Background)
Relying on one income source can feel especially vulnerable when you’re the only adult responsible for keeping the household running.
Your job isn’t necessarily the problem. But when one paycheque is carrying the entire household, building another skill or income option can create breathing room, and eventually, more choices.
Money create options. And when you’re responsible for supporting a household largely on your own, have more financial margin can change what’s possible.
That doesn’t mean every single mom needs three side hustles and an Etsy shop.
It does mean that if your current income isn’t giving you enough breathing room, that increasing it may be one of the most powerful ways to back control.
For me, taking back control means slowly building something that isn’t tied entirely to my employer.
For me, that’s this blog.
For you, it might be:
writing
design
social media management
bookkeeping
admin/VA work
tutoring
creating digital products
something you haven’t even named yet
You don’t need a full business plan today. You just need to choose a direction and start learning.
Action step for today:
Ask yourself: “What do I already know how to do - or what could I realistically learn - that someone would pay me for?”
Write down 3 ideas.
Spend 20 minutes researching one of them (YouTube, blogs, or… here with me, honestly).
Control grows when you feel like you are building something, not just enduring something.
6. Decide Where Your “Yes” and “No” Lines Are
Part of feeling out of control is saying yes to things you don’t have the capacity for; socially, emotionally, financially.
I think a lot of us know what this looks like:
overcommit to school things
saying yes to plans we can’t afford
volunteering time we don’t have
bending our boundaries with our ex, our kids, or even our job
Taking back your life means deciding, in advance, what you will and will not do.
Action step for today:
Finish these sentences in your notes app or journal:
“I am no longer available for…”
“I am always available for…”
Maybe you’re no longer available for:
guilt spending
last-minute favours that wreck your day
texting your ex back immediately
saying yes to every school thing
Maybe you ARE always available for:
your kids’ real emotional needs
protecting your sleep
working on your future money skill
weekly money check-ins
Your “no” is a tool of control, not selfishness.
7. Stop Doing It Alone (Even If Your Reality Feels Isolated)
A huge part of feeling powerless is feeling alone in it.
You might not have a co-parent who shows up.
You might not have parents nearby.
You might not have a partner.
You might not feel like you can tell your friends how bad it actually is.
But you are not the only woman living this reality, not even close.
You don’t have to overshare on social media or spill everything to someone you don’t trust. But you do need some kind of support, even if it starts small.
That might look like:
following accounts that talk honestly about single motherhood and money
reading blogs (like this one) that mirror your experience
joining a quiet online community or email list
having one trusted friend you can be honest with
working with a therapist or counsellor when / if it’s available
Action step for today:
Ask yourself: “Where could I let myself receive just 5% more support?”
Then do ONE small thing: subscribe, message a friend, bookmark a resource.
Needing support isn’t weakness. None of us does particularly well carrying everything alone. Support doesn’t mean telling everyone your business. Sometimes it starts with one person who actually knows what’s going on.
You’re Allowed to Want More Than Survival
And eventually, I think the goal has to become bigger than survival.
You are allowed to want more than “getting by.”
You are allowed to want:
financial stability
breathing room
time freedom
emotional peace
a career or business that actually fits your life
a future that doesn’t feel like one long trade-off
Taking back control of your life won’t happen in one dramatic moment. It will happen in a series of small, almost invisible decisions that you keep making, even on the hard days.
Today, maybe that looks like:
opening your banking app instead of avoiding it
writing down your numbers instead of guessing
saying no to one thing
saying yes to one tiny habit that supports you
choosing to believe, even a little bit, that things can get better
You don’t have to feel ready. You just have to be willing.
XOXO
That Mama in Charge… we got this… right?